My Story: Lynda Shepherd

Lynda questioned whether Jesus was ‘far more than a nice guy’. Here is her story.

Religion was not something forced in our family. My mum became a Christian when I was 16 but she generally left us to our own choices. She also had a huge capacity to love people and to cope with life’s difficulties – me likely being one of them.

My life took a rather wild turn in my teens. And while I worked in the music industry and travelled - my twenties weren’t exactly tame either. I couldn’t see more to life than just having fun, at all costs - and my friends often think it’s a miracle I’m still in one piece. It certainly had its interesting moments, but it’s all a blur as to where I was heading. I just grew tired of repeating the same mistakes - and my lifestyle eventually became unappealing.

My spiritual searching began about eight years ago, which admittedly was triggered by a relationship break-up. I was coming home on the underground, when two Christian ladies found me in tears. To my horror, they approached me with a tissue and offered to pray for me. Not a pretty picture, but I found it rather kind - and I desperately needed the tissue! I’ve no idea what they prayed, but the next morning I dragged myself off to a church I remembered my mum mentioning. I was a bit sceptical at first - on the lookout for any strange characters – but if there were any I figured I’d be in good company!

The spirit I felt gave me a strong sense that Christianity was true and I eventually took a leap of faith. I believe God helped me overcome some destructive habits - but that’s all I thought I needed Him for – someone to forgive my past and fix me. I never had much to do with church after that. If you’ve heard Christianity being viewed as a crutch – that was me.

I suppose I had a full life, and everything I wanted in the way of jobs and friendships and lifestyle comforts – but underneath was a mixture of apathy and a heaviness I could never work out. I learned the hard way that men and relationships were not the answer to all life’s searching – and I spent more time trying to figure out what would make me happy, than I did just being happy.

I wanted to know God in a meaningful way. He had touched my life and prompted me too many times to deny His existence - but there were some things about Christianity that just didn’t add up in my mind. Things like people’s eternal destiny seriously bothered me, though I knew deep down I couldn’t create my own truth. Christianity either was true or it wasn’t – and if it was it applied to everyone including me.

It all became a bit mind boggling so I let it go and simply got on with my life.
Despite my drifting though, God had not let go of me. Eighteen months ago a friend in Uganda had been praying for me, and suggested I come along to All Souls (London) – and soon afterwards I decided to tackle my questions on the Christianity Explored course. There had to be more to life than living comfortably and just going through the motions - and I wanted the truth – not just fluffy feel good stuff.

The talks and discussions were quite an eye opener - and it really helped to hear questions from other seekers and faith backgrounds. The relationships built were invaluable – and as I got back to the Bible and listened to sermons I could relate to, the bigger picture slowly began to make sense.
I still wrestled with stuff, but carried on questioning and reading books and praying for understanding. I eventually stopped cherry picking the Bible and became aware of a deeper trust that all God’s word was completely reliable. I found the bigger picture of the Bible too incredible to be humanly engineered – and the New Testament really struck me as being spot-on about the human condition. Far more than ‘Jesus the nice guy’ – He had a strong message that was quite a wake-up call for me – and I found myself warming to it in a completely new way.

Somewhere along the line, I’d missed the point of the Christian faith. I never had a full grasp on God’s ongoing and complete forgiveness – there always seemed to be a price to pay when I messed up. And it never occurred to me to trust Him with my life – I’d always been too self-sufficient - and preferred to live my life according to me.

But there was a bit more to it. I was beginning to feel uneasy about whether my faith was authentic. I didn’t feel I was responding to God out of love, but more out of duty. Why all the pressure but no peace? But as I sat one day casually listening to a hymn on my iPod, these few simple words struck me with such clarity ‘what heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease’.

That’s exactly where I was struggling – not only was I striving to be right with God - I was fearing my doubts and all the stuff going on in my heart I knew only He could see, not just the obvious. But it dawned on me if there was anything at all we could do to earn God’s approval - then Christ’s life and having to die for our forgiveness, would have been pointless. What about all my weaknesses and my pride and all the times I would continue to fall short? What happened on the cross achieved my rightness with God – not me.

In all my searching, I’d never known that sort of peace that comes from understanding God’s grace. Knowing I could do nothing, or had done nothing to earn His love – simply enabled me to love Him and want to serve Him. Making an obedient commitment on that basis, seemed so much easier than going through the motions of religion - trying to keep rules and impossible standards.

Being a Christian doesn’t give me an answer to every question, or put an end to all thinking. Nor does it mean I must be deliriously happy or perfect - thank goodness. But it’s an ongoing process of allowing God to teach me through the Bible and to change me from within. He has worked His love in so many areas of my life - including the healing of a difficult relationship with my Dad - who also came to faith much later on in his life. 

I still battle along in my faith sometimes, but as I learn to trust in Christ, He does give me a deep joy and contentment which is so different from the happiness I’ve sought in things apart from God. I’ll end off with a verse which really helps me stay focused on Christ and His promises – it’s 2 Corinthians 4 v18: ‘So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal’.