If you’re a parent of a teenager does it sometimes feel like living with an alien? Paul and Christine Perkin know the highs and lows of life with teenagers – they’ve survived three themselves. Parenting Teenagers is a new book and course designed to encourage and inspire parents – helping them to guide, support and have fun with their teenagers.
Parenting teenagers – help is at hand!
As leaders of a large and vibrant church in South West London, the Perkins have a wide experience of other people’s offspring and know how hard bringing up teenagers can be. They’ve used a practical, non-judgemental and fun approach, not afraid to tackle the tough issues as well as offering positive responses to everyday family dilemmas. ‘Parenting teenagers isn’t about changing our teenager,’ they say, ‘it’s about understanding the changes facing our teenager and helping them to work through them.’ Tricky subjects including LSD (love, sex and dating), SAD (smoking, alcohol and drugs) and GITS (games, Internet, texting and surfing) are covered. But it’s not all hard going with ideas on spending time with your teenagers, building up their self-esteem and encouraging good communication. Christine and Paul are the first to admit they are not perfect parents. They have made mistakes but it’s testament to their parenting skills that all three of their children (now in their twenties) took an active part in compiling the book. Christine explains how it all came about. ‘We had no intention of writing a book – our main thrust was to write a 6 session course for the parents of teenagers in our community here. We found that so many of them felt they’d lost contact with each other – there was no more picking up children at the school gate or from each others homes. Many of them felt they were either doing the worst job on the planet because no one else surely had come across the problems they had, or they got rather isolated and defensive about it all. What did your own teenagers feel about all of this? ‘Right from the start we told our children what we were doing and they were in on it. All the way along they had ‘power to veto’and they’ve also taken a keen part in writing the little story bits.’ Did sharing details of family life make you feel vulnerable? ‘We wanted it to be personal. We felt that it was important while writing a book like this to show that we’re not making ourselves out to be the perfect family who’ve got everything sorted – so we’ve tried to be honest about our experiences, both good and bad.’ In the course and the book you include ‘stop & think’points and ‘taking it further’questions – what is the value of these? ‘Life is set at such a pace by the time our children hit their teenage years,’ says Christine. ‘Not only are their lives moving so fast but ours are too. For both the book and the course we felt that it was really important to put theory into practice straight away. So you don’t just read something and think “that’s a good idea” but you are immediately challenged to consider “How can I input this into my family life? What practically would make a difference?” That’s what we were hoping to do all the way through. What’s the best parenting advice you have received? ‘I think it’s both the “big picture” stuff – always believing the best for them wherever things have got to. And the “small picture” stuff – always looking for the little everyday things that you can do to turn things around. It’s never too late for either!’ Parenting Teenagers is written from a Christian perspective, but Christine and Paul have made their material helpful to all parents. ‘We believe all the principles we talk about in the book and the course are from Christian foundations. We hope we put them across in a way that is accessible and practical and fun for any group of parents. We are proud of the fact that the Bible has something to say – that our faith has something to say about so many different issues.’ Is it ever too early or too late to tackle difficult issues? ‘There’s no doubt if you leave it too late you have more ground to make up and more trust to build up. The earlier you can start putting good habits in the better. ‘But we believe it’s never too late to show them practically and emotionally that you love them.’ ‘Every stage in the teenage life is different. At every point you have a chance to get some good stuff laid down even if you think things have gone drastically wrong – you can still turn things around. We really hope that the book will instil hope in every parent who reads it.’ Parenting Teenagers: by Paul and Christine Perkin – making the most of the years. Published by David Cook price £6.99 Six session Parenting Teenagers Course in a box set of four DVDs price £39.99 with course handbooks £2.99 each. A Family Time Training Day for Parents – if you are thinking about running a Family Time Course or just want to come along for the day for your own personal encouragement. Come and join us March 21st 2009 (email
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for details). The Prodigal By Catherine Hiscox The prodigal son’s not the only oneTo stray away from our Lord.To go his own way, out on his ownTo feel so lonely and bored. At times we all wander away from GodAnd go and do our own thing;Leaving His love, leaving His care,Flying like a bird on the wing. Suddenly we descend with a bang,It’s not quite as great as it seems;It’s no fun struggling uphill,Life seems to have shattered our dreams. Then we return to the fold once again,To God’s protecting care.We feel His special peace inside,Knowing that He’s still there. Others, there are, who don’t like it though!They think we’re using God’s love.But I’ve learned a valuable lesson today, Knowing His care from above.
He reached down to earth and rescued me –Right out of Satan’s land,And now and forever I will rest,In God’s eternal hand. Catherine Hiscox has used her poetry to express the struggles she has faced in her life. Catherine has been a Christian for 25 years. She lives with and cares for her elderly mother. Catherine has not been in good health for some time and she feels her faith has been tested through her illness. It has even caused her to doubt her faith. But like the biblical story of the prodigal son (Luke 15 verses 11 onward) on which she based her poem, she has come back to God. She now attends a supportive church fellowship that encourages her in her faith and the challenges she still faces in her life. What the papers say about teenagers Over a third of 16 – to 25-year-olds say they have no adult role models, a Prince’s Trust report has found. Instead, they look to their peers for support. The number who believe they have no parent role models is highest (43 per cent) among teenagers who leave school with no qualifications. Where young people have never seen anyone in their families at work, ‘They think having a job with a steady income and a stable family is not achievable,’ Paul Brown, a director of the Trust said. If they ‘have no other adults to look up to, gangs fill the vacuum’. Source: The Times
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