Our stress-triggers usually come from outside and make us think certain things, feel certain things and do certain things. The key is to catch, to challenge and to change that first thought.

Papyrus reed left unchanged has no real future – it will die, rot and disappear. However, if you cut the reed, soak it, hammer the life out of it, and weave it into papyrus paper, it will last for thousands of years. Stress is a bit like that – potentially painful, but if we handle it right, it can increase our capacity and makes us more durable.

That first thought
It can be hard to catch that first negative thought that is going to just lead you into stress. Those instant reactions lead to road rage, conflicts at work, and arguments with your partner or kids. If only we could catch, challenge and change those first thoughts. A great habit I’m trying to learn is to ask a question to help me catch, challenge, change. Questions like: 'Why am I angry?', 'What is so embarrassing about this?', 'What am I afraid of?', 'What is making me anxious?' - These questions are the red lights on the dashboard telling me there is something wrong elsewhere.

When we catch our negative thoughts we can challenge them, we can ask, ‘Is this a legitimate criticism?’ When we challenge a thought, we can change it. Let’s take the road rage example. You’re in a traffic jam. You can feel yourself getting wound up. You catch yourself gripping the steering wheel tightly. Now’s the time to challenge yourself: are you angry because you’ll be late? Is it really your fault because you left late, or is it unavoidable? Will it really matter in the long term if you’re a bit late? And anyway, is anger going to help in this situation? Are you going to achieve anything (apart from more stress) by getting worked up? After challenging the thought you’ve caught, you can seek to change the situation. Could you pull over and phone ahead to explain you’re going to be late? What would be the best way to apologise for your lateness? Or take a deep breath and accept that your schedule isn’t going to change – and that’s okay; it happens from time to time.

By catching, challenging and changing, you can use your stress positively. Remember those three words. They might just keep you sane.