| Empty Arms - Life after family tragedy |
 No parent wants to outlive their children. But for Keren and Steve Baker, the death of their two-year-old daughter Natalie three years ago, rocked their world. They had to come to terms with losing a child and, for their other four children, a sister. Some hard lessons where learnt. As a Christian family, they were not immune to the heartache of loss. Keren describes herself as on a journey through grief that is on-going. ‘I wouldn’t say that I have triumphed over grief, it is more a case of “getting through”.’ She has written an honest, moving account of her experience since Natalie’s death of a rare bacterial disease. She hopes her book Empty Arms (EP Books UK £7.95) will encourage other parents facing similar struggles and those, standing on the sidelines, wishing to support them. There is also a practical support website www. emptyarmswithhope.co. uk for parents, their families and friends. ‘Although I have faith, I struggle as much as anyone,’ Keren says. ‘What keeps me going is the knowledge that my toughest days are never beyond the reach of God’s care… The God who watched his only Son die alone understands how alone you may feel too.’ Keren and Steve know that they will be reunited with their daughter in heaven. Keren’s reason for hope Keren explains why she has such faith. ‘I had realised fairly early on that I wasn’t perfect, and through reading the Bible and hearing God’s Word explained to me I soon recognised that I needed to have my wrongdoings dealt with. One night I asked God to forgive me for all the wrong that I had done. I prayed and thanked Jesus for dying for my sin so that I could have forgiveness from God. I knew that by trusting in him I could know assurance of my wrongs being cleansed and of having a place in heaven when I died.’ This decision was to shape Keren’s life and her response to the future tragedy. In her book Keren shares how she coped during the initial shock of losing Natalie. ‘A day felt like an eternity,’ she recalls. ‘Looking ahead completely overwhelmed me.’ She drew strength from the words of Jesus in the Bible (Matthew Chapter 6 verse 34). ‘Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’ ‘My focus,’ Keren found, ‘had to be on the now, not the future, and definitely not the past.’ She learnt there was no ‘quick fix’ – in order to grieve and support her family, she had to listen to her physiological, emotional and spiritual needs and attend to them. Talking about Natalie to others and being able to cry helped bring healing. The book is full of practical examples of help and support that really made a difference. Keren shares what helped her other children grieve and how they organised saying goodbye to Natalie and remember her as part of their family. Nattie’s brother and sisters put birthday balloons by her grave to mark the special day. ‘I am by nature a creative person, and I felt a real need to do creative and artistic things that helped me create something lovely during bleak times,’ says Keren on the website. Personal memory boxes and quilts have helped her during the darkest times. ‘There will always be a Natalie shaped hole in my heart,’ says Keren, ‘and it cannot be filled by anyone else…However, I am so thankful that my life is not pointless and I continue on this road with God as my guide. |
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