| A life made shining new |
 Alcohol, drugs and money had wrecked Billy Gilvear’s life. But God brought him hope and healing, writes James HastingsThe silage tank seemed a suitable place for Billy Gilvear to end his life. After years of mixing with celebrities and rock stars, his life was in the gutter. He once appeared at the MTV Awards and shared a stage with legendary group The Bee Gees. Now, he was hopelessly hooked on drugs, his wife had left him and he was virtually penniless and homeless. “I decided to end my life on my 30th birthday,” says Billy. “I couldn’t face another year living as Billy Gilvear. I had lost everything. I couldn’t see any reason to go on. “I would hang myself inside the silage tank. I didn’t think anyone would miss me.” Just a few years earlier, it had all been so very different for the former Sandhurst student set on a glittering military career. Billy had joined the army aged 16 to get away from his devout Christian parents in Glasgow. “I regarded religion as something done by old ladies who knitted and drank tea,” he laughed. “It had no relevance to my life. “I needed to get away so I joined the army and spent seven wonderful years travelling the world.” Picked out for officer training, Billy was sent to Sandhurst, where he was introduced to a champagne lifestyle. He admired people with money and position and envied the power they exercised. Then Billy met some ex-soldiers in lucrative jobs working as bodyguards for A-list celebrities. He decided this was his ticket to a wealthy future, so he quit the army. “I looked after people like Robbie Williams, U2 and the Bee Gees. I flew to the MTV awards and celebrity premieres like Planet Hollywood openings. The alcohol flowed faster and with it, I was introduced to drugs,” he explains. Billy was now married to Bev, and the couple had two children. However, he admits he was not living “a proper married man’s life”. “I was living a hedonistic life and despite giving me lots of chances, Bev couldn’t take any more,” he says. “She took our children and returned to her family in Wales.” His life started falling apart. The work dried up, the drugs took over and paranoia set in. Billy became so depressed, he attempted suicide, swallowing dozens of pills and a bottle of whisky. “I was sent to a mental institution which was like something out of the film, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. People walked about in a daze or screaming and banging their heads off walls.” His parents, who had never abandoned their son or stopped praying for him, visited Billy frequently. After his release, Billy moved to Wales to be close to his children, although he and Bev remained apart. One afternoon, he was about to launch into another evening’s drinking in his local, when he got talking to a farmer. “He needed labourers and I needed work and a place to stay. When we got to the farm, I noticed Bibles and information about Alpha lying around. “He said his parents were Christians and I replied, ‘Don’t apologise, so are mine.’” Billy’s drug dependency and heavy drinking increased. In desperation, he checked out suicide websites on the internet. On the morning of December 6th, 2000, Billy decided he would be dead within two weeks. He would kill himself on his 30th birthday and end all the pain and suffering that plagued him daily. “I was sitting in the kitchen of the farmhouse, calmly planning how I would hang myself. “Just then, my landlady came into the room and picked up a dirty old kettle from a shelf. I was wondering how long it would be until my body was discovered. Slowly the landlady scrubbed away months of dirt from the kettle. I wondered if the rope would be strong enough to hold me. The landlady applied some polish and the kettle started to shine. “I was transfixed as she continued to clean the battered kettle. Suddenly, I felt God bursting into my life, even though I had rejected him decades ago. He was saying ‘Billy, this kettle is like your life. I can make it clean again.’ He walked out the kitchen and ran into the fields, and said his first prayer since he was 16. “I said ‘God if you’re there like the Christians say you are, help me. I have nothing left,’ he explains. “I suddenly felt calm, and a peace I’d never experienced before covered me. The farmer saw me smiling and he could tell there was something different about me. “I said, ‘I’ve just met God.’ The farmer was a Christian. He said he could see it. I went around telling everyone I had met God.” Billy started re-reading the Bible he had memorised as a child. He attended church and was baptised, with his parents in the congregation. “They told me Bev had become a Christian a year earlier. We met up and talked and prayed and prayed and talked. A year later, we re-married.” Billy applied to a Christian college and is now a minister. He has led missions to the Ukraine, working with young drug addicts who live in the sewers. He adds: “People often ask me why I went through what I went through. “Well, I made bad choices and lived an extreme life. I allowed greed and the world to dominate my vision. I never took time out to reflect on life or God. “That day watching the kettle being cleaned, I realised I was searching for something to fill that gap and all that can fill that gap is God.” He adds: “I’m not perfect, far from it. But I know there is hope. No matter what situation you are in, God will break through. I believe God heals. |
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